Luthor had an entire employee whose job it was to read huge quantities of
published material and make daily lists of ideas that Luthor had not yet
come up with. His name was Arthur Allen, and he was the most successful graduate
of the Evelyn Wood School of Reading Dynamics in the year 1971, raising his
reading speed from 630 to about 30 thousand words per minute. John Stuart
Mill, the nineteenth-century philosopher, read about that fast and came close
to going mad because he was incapable of turning pages quickly enough to
keep up with himself. Allen read not only every science fiction story published—before
publication, if possible—but every popular how-to publication, every professional
journal, and every trade magazine he knew of. A magazine put out by the Sheet
Metal Workers' Union had an idea for a kind of reflective sun deck, which
Allen wrote down. It gave Luthor the principle for the camouflage device
which caused his in-city headquarters to appear, from the air, to be the
penthouse of a plant lover with bizarre tastes in art.
An idea in a fictional story by an astronomer named Arthur C. Clarke was
not new. The concept of supplying oxygen to a spaceship with plants that
breathed carbon dioxide and gave off oxygen was as old as the first fanciful
plans for space stations and family-sized space arks. And when unimaginative
little Arthur Allen wrote it down in one of his daily reports, Luthor winced
at not having thought of it himself.
Here were some ideas Luthor did think of, but which did not work:
1—An elaborate chemical distillation system which would turn Luthor's exhaled
carbon dioxide into oxygen and spray the carbon by-product over the black
surface of the starcraft's sails. After two major flights, Luthor estimated,
the carbon layer would be thick enough to make it quite impossible to roll
in the Black Widow's arms.
2—An oxygen pill about the size of a thousand-milligram capsule of Vitamin
C, which furnished Luthor's bloodstream with as much oxygen as he would need
for an hour. It seemed to work on animals, but the first time Luthor tried
it the pill made him higher than a weather balloon for hours.
3—An environmental recycling system which would start with the Black Widow's
water supply being broken down into component parts of hydrogen and oxygen.
Luthor would breathe the oxygen that he extracted from his excess and excreted
water, while the carbon dioxide that was the result of his respiration had
nothing to do except suffocate the pilot. In any natural ecosystem these
substances would combine to form hydrocarbons in organic matter, the building
blocks of new life. The only way there would be new life in this craft was
if Luthor gave birth.
It all came down to Arthur Clarke's idea of lining all unused surface space
inside the bulb of the craft with green vegetation. In jail, about a year
ago, Luthor convinced prison officials that it would be a fine idea for him
to teach other prisoners a course in horticulture. While preparing for his
various lectures on rhododendrons and backyard tomatoes and wild berries,
the scientist managed to clone a seed for a new species of moss which would
have the heaviest respiration rate of any living thing known to man. When
he became tired of teaching his course, Luthor sprayed the prison greenhouse
with a fertilizer he developed once as a teenager. It caused the plants to
sprout overnight like Jack's beanstalk and rupture several walls of the prison
so that Luthor could escape quite sloppily. His moss now lined every square
inch of the inner black surface of the bubble and spat out oxygen as fast
as Luthor sucked it up. His entire water supply consisted of a three-quart
canteen slung over the arm of his pilot's seat.
When Superman stopped moving and started downward from twelve hundred kilometers
over Oric, Luthor had to continue upward for another 65 kilometers before
he could slow down and circle back. The cushioning system that absorbed the
inertia in sudden maneuvers was only so strong, and it was how much inertia
Luthor's body could stand which was the main limitation on the Black Widow's
speed and performance. Luthor could hear Superman "talking" when the hero
was actually vibrating the air inside the capsule a certain way with the
power conveniently labeled super-ventriloquism. Superman, however, had to
read Luthor's lips to understand what he was saying; the air here was not
thick enough to carry sound waves even to Kryptonian ears.
"What're you looking at?" Luthor asked.
He kept looking.
"Hey, Hot Pants, I'm talking to you."
No response.
"Will you turn your lousy head and answer a simple question?" Luthor banged
on the wall of his craft.
To no avail.
"For years I've been trying to sneak past him and now I can't get his attention.
Is that justice? Maybe there is a God."
Superman turned to face Luthor and projected the words into the bubble: "We've
got trouble."
"Hark. I hear a voice."
"The pyramid is past chaos. They're mobilized. If we don't do something fast,
they'll spot us before we get where we're going. The sky is being scanned
by satellites, which is why I dropped back down into the upper atmosphere."
"What do you suggest we do?"
"Initiate chaos down there."
"From up here?"
"Chaos has always been one of your special talents, Luthor. How would you
cause it if you were still inside the pyramid somewhere?"
"Well, I'd start in the launch ramp," Luthor mouthed through his bubble wall.
"I'd have to put that out of commission because that would be their first
way to follow us."
"How would you do that?"
"Easy. You know that row of teleportation gadgets in there? Teleporting is
like going through locks in a canal. Just as you have to equalize the water
level in a canal, you have to equalize air pressure to teleport from one
place to another, or else you'll have air rushing through the hole you dig
in space to teleport at the speed of a cyclone. You can throw the whole launch
ramp out of kilter by turning on all those teleport gadgets to a point in
deep space. So much air will be rushing out through them into the vacuum
that they'll have to seal off the launch ramp like an airlock."
"Brilliant idea."
"What good does it do us up here?"
"What else would you do?" Superman asked as he directed a series of beams
of heat vision, melting a series of control bypass switches over a thousand
kilometers away.
"Well, next I'd get to their computer linkups. That one would be easy if
we were down there. They have no lockout mechanisms, all you have to do is
link up to one terminal with the right codes. Like in this case you'd feed
the phrase, 'preempt procedure emerald iodine violet,' and then follow it
with whatever nonsense phrases you want all the terminals to spout instead
of real information. You just feed it into one terminal."
Superman spoke to Luthor with his ventriloquism, as he simultaneously threw
his voice elsewhere: "Preempt procedure emerald iodine violet. Mary had a
little lamb, its fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go."
"What are you babbling about? You sure you're recovered from that stuff they
had you doped up with?"
"Sure, I'm fine. Just making conversation. What about the Master's operatives
in the real estate offices all over the settled part of the planet? They
have some sort of linkup for communications, so that they don't give away
the same planet to two buyers—or gift receivers, or whatever they call them
here."
"Crazy foam."
"Crazy foam."
"You're reading my lips right. The atmosphere here is even better suited
to flash fires than it is on Earth. The air itself burns, and an automatic
safety system fills all enclosed spaces with some kind of foam to cool down
fires. This foam can conduct life-sustaining operations itself—causes respiration
of the skin, feeds intravenously if necessary—at the same time as it smothers
ignition of the air."
"Sounds like a great regulation. If somebody could patent that process on
Earth, he'd pull down a fortune."
"I was planning on it."
Superman located a dozen and a half little offices on Oric, each suited to
a different set of environments, each equipped with crazy foam devices in
the walls and ceilings—those that had ceilings. A little spark appeared
in the air somewhere inside each one.
"Well," Superman grinned and clapped his hands together as he hung on the
edge of space, "shall we go on to the time-snatcher now?"
"What? I thought you said—"
"A momentary aberration. You forget with whom you're dealing, old man."
"Son of a gun."