A very special message from Superboy-Prime

[JulianPerez]

To Everyone:


Thanks for keeping the faith alive with me. No really, I appreciate that. All this fake righteous indignation and pretending to care about me, now that a writer's actually uses me...well, it warms the cackles of my heart.

Yeah, it was a tough twenty years between my disappearance in COIE and Infinite Crisis. I had to do a lot to make ends meet. I joined the merchant marines, and hoped to forget myself both at sea, and in the arms of numerous, painted-faced Malaysian prostitutes.

Many of you may have heard in the tabloids about my DUI, or about my lifelong struggle with caffeine addiction.

But the thing that kept me going...the thing that got me through all those dark times...was that classic DC fans were always talking about me and clamoring for my return, right?

Right?

You dickheads! You forgot me like yesterday's lunch! And now you have the nerve to get huffy now that I'm a big player in the DCU!

Man, I just did a search of this forum for "Superboy-Prime." Crap! Until Infinite Crisis, the Elliot S! Maggin writer-obsession Superwoman had more threads about her than I did. The darn Supermobile, that everybody hated, Cary Bates included, has more threads!

Did you know I wasn't even included in the Superman Sourcebook for DC Heroes? And that was done around the time of Crisis, before my, ah, "Freshness" date had expired. Friggin' Karb-Brak and Blackrock got character sheets! Karb-Brak! Blackrock!

Superboy-Prime? You lumped me in and forgot about me just like you forgot about whatshisname, that Viking dude that rode a bird.

Looking through some of the posts on this forum, well, call me crazy, but I get a sense a lot of you people don't like Crisis on Infinite Earths. Me, I love it. Of course I do! Wouldn't YOU love the only time people ever payed attention to you?

You think I was the only guy from Earth-Prime? Remember Ultraa? Yeah, neither do I. But everybody, including you, know who I am because of Crisis.

Worse, you figured I was dead, just like everybody else. "Place of infinite light and beauty?" Ha! Don't go saying now that you knew I was alive the whole time. Heck, even I thought I was dead until Geoff Johns called my agent to bring me back.

DC COMICS: "We're going to bring back Superboy-Prime!"
FANDOM: "Who?"

But hey, at least you bought the comic to keep my career going, right? Oh, snap! No you didn't!

Fact is, I love being a heavy. Are you kidding? I'm ten times cooler as a villain than I ever was a hero. As a hero, I didn't even make it to the roleplaying game. I was just another alternate universe Superman time forgot.

As a villain, though? I've got gravitas. It took TWO Supermen to stop me. And that scene where all those Green Lanterns were making a shield? Man, that was cool. That was the first scene that we filmed for that issue, and when I got on set, I realized this was serious business. I got a little tingle when those computer rings flashed and said "Green Lantern of Space Sector 2214 deceased. Seeking new owner." "Green Lantern of Space Sector 1145 is deceased. Seeking new owner."

Geoff Johns and Marv Wolfman did for me what Steve Englehart did for Hugo Strange and Deadshot. What Quentin Tarantino did for Travolta. He pulled me out of nowhere, explained what I was doing all this time, and took me out of an overcrowded field and gave me my own niche. And they gave a new snazzy costume to boot!

That's the one great gripe I've got: all the really super-important stuff that organically explained how I got so deranged was placed in that Marv Wolfman special.

(But you guys didn't read that either.)

Fact is, I owe Geoff Johns and DC everything. Well, them...and Scientology, which saved my life when I was down and out and taught me to eliminate my reactive mind.

Man, all this stuff is really harshing my Operating Thetan level, so here's a replay for the West Coast: none of you were there for me, so none of you have the right to get ticked now I'm in the big leagues. People are excited now about my return.

Excited! About me, Superboy-Prime! When has that ever happened? So don't go ruining it for me.

I've just got one more thing to say:

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Didio!


Smell you suckers later,
Superboy-Prime

[MatterEaterLad]

Dear Superboy-Prime:

The world you hail from was shifted from clever to Bronze Age dumb before your existence was even noticed, sad to say by Ultraa and the "atomic catastophe" etc . Turned it from an interesting concept to just another fan boy reality. LOL, about as "realistic" as a fan boy having a girlfriend (not counting ones who have a statue of "Sailor Mars" in their bedroom). 

[nightwing]

Who?

[Superman Forever]

Who cares?

[dto]

Dear Superanakin Primewalker:

Actually, I WAS one of your so-called "dickheads" who still remembered you, and unfortunately I now wish I NEVER read DC Comics Presents #87.  I even started a "Time for Prime?" thread on this Message Board's Superboy forum way back on June 16, 2004:

https://www.supermanthroughtheages.com/smf/index.php?topic=924.0

Reading my original post sickens me.  I can't believe I really missed that enthusiastic kid with an off-beat sense of humor and all that potentially explosive Earth-Prime knowledge about DC characters.  I wanted to see you and the other Paradise Dimension residents return, but I should have known DC Comics would make me rue that day.

Then again, I also wanted Kara Zor-El back, and look what we got!  It's "Be careful what you wish for" with a vengeance nowadays.   

Perhaps I shouldn't vent my anger at you personally -- after all, you're probably "retcon-punch drunk" from hammering that crystal wall and inadvertantly altering your own past.  Yes, I noticed the changes in your history between DCCP #87 and your current bio in Infinite Crisis Secret Files and Origins.  No wonder you're so unstable -- you basically denied your own true beginnings and substituted a illogical pastiche based on comic books and childhood fantasies.  Face it, your parents NEVER owned a FARM!  So why do you insist that your rocket landed there?

But even if you're insane and not fully responsible for your bloody actions, I cannot ever accept you again.  Goodbye, forever.

Resentfully yours,

DTO

P.S.  As for your "spokesman" JulianPerez, I understand he just wanted to "stir the pot", but I'm not very happy with him right now.  This shouldn't get under my skin, but being called a "dunderhead" (via a once-favorite character, no less!) has rubbed some raw nerves.   

[Super Monkey]

See we had this feature called Karma at one point and oh never mind...

[MatterEaterLad]

Like the "lonely" Superboy-Prime, the people who actually paid attention to Norma Desmond were the ultimate suckers.

[nightwing]

This shouldn't get under my skin, but being called a "dunderhead" (via a once-favorite character, no less!) has rubbed some raw nerves.

Indeed, we have some odd filters around here, considering how puritanical they can be while still letting a word like that get through.  I think it's time for Rao to update them to filter out clearly objectionable terms like "dunderhead" and "Geoff Johns" (assuming that's not the same filter).